Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Attack of the Cybercats

Something is wrong with my spouse, and I think I’ve figured out what it is.

Our two housecats, Mina and Ellis, seem to have some kind of control over Bride of the Bloviator (BOTB).  As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, she spends an inordinate amount of time with them, hovering over them, cooing in their ears, rubbing and kissing them, while catering to their every need.  For the longest time, I thought there was nothing going on other than an exuberant affection on her part for cats.

Like many people in this digital age, the two of us tend to take a lot of photos that wind up getting put away on a hard drive and forgotten about.  Recently I was pulling up some old pictures for one of my earlier cat-related postings, and I noticed an odd reflection in one cat’s left eye.   Flash photos often result in red-eye effects, but that didn’t explain this.  The reflection was only in one eye, and was like nothing I’d ever seen before.  Using some contrasting and color filters, I was able to bring out the image.  The results were startling.   I then applied the same filters to other cat photos that we have on hand, and was able to obtain similar astonishing
"I am Ellis of Borg.  You will be assimilated.  Resistance is futile."

Now, it all makes sense.  Years of BOTB behavior toward her cats are falling into place.  What seemed like mere eccentricities on her part before are now revealed to be something more sinister.   Among those behaviors are:

  • The three of them are always together, usually leaving me in isolation.
  • The house is strewn with cat toys, and has been for years.
  • BOTB felt the need to buy not one kitty condo, but two.   I have been resisting the idea of getting three.
  • Any time one of the cats goes to the kitchen and says a word, BOTB feels compelled, almost as if under a hypnotic spell, to pop open a can of Fancy Feast.
  • Any time any one of them looks the least bit bored, she is on her feet swinging the bat-a-bird, throwing the ball, dangling a string, playing with the laser pointer, or in some other way seeking to entertain them.
  • She’s constantly trolling the Internet looking for information about cats.
The evidence seems clear.  These are not the common house cats that they seem to be.  Instead, they are Cybercats--part feline, part machine.  Obviously, they have some kind of mind control over certain people, probably by way of assimilating them into a collective consciousness.  BOTB is a victim.

I have included some of the photographic evidence below, along with descriptions of what I think is going on in the pictures.  I leave it to you to judge.  Your comments are welcome.

“I am Ellis of the Cybercat Collective.  This cube is satisfactory, and makes me feel at home.  Well done.”


“I now wish to lie down facing forward.  This perch no longer accommodates my needs.  You will procure another.”


“I have been unable to assimilate this human.  Nevertheless, I have found other ways to maintain a position of dominance.”

“This human has been fully assimilated.”


“I do not know how I got up here.  You will get me down immediately.”

“These garments are now covered with cat hair, and some of them have been sprayed.  My work here is done.”

“This bird toy is not satisfactory.  You will procure me one that squeaks, or makes motions.”


“This human is scouring the Internet to find new ways to serve and please me.  I will allow it to continue its existence.”

“The humans have brought me a captive.  I will assimilate it into the Collective."


“I am Mina of the Cybercat Collective.  You will bend to my will.”

“This glass table is too hard and low to make a suitable perch.  You will procure another.”


“This perch seems more satisfactory.  I will inspect it further.”


“Yes, this will do nicely.  You have done well today.  Do not fail me tomorrow.”

I'm continuing my research, and have many more photos to process.  I will keep you informed.


If you you'd like to share your pet photos with me, I will be happy to scan them for evidence of Cybercat infiltration.  Here is my contact information.

And as always don't forget to check out my novels.  There is a cat character in A Journal of the Crazy Year!

©2014 by Forrest Carr.  All rights reserved.


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