More evidence of Cybercat
infiltration and domination
The
latest photos from my archive, processed to bring out details not visible to
the human eye, add to the body of knowledge I’ve published so far. Taken together, the photos show that the
Cybercats—part feline, part machine—assimilated my spouse long ago and have had
her under mind control for at least three decades. Below is the latest round of pictures. In this batch, I document Cybercat knowledge
being passed down to yet another generation.
“I
am Willis of the Cybercat Collective. I
am looking for something on which to pounce, and I believe I have spotted a
target. The human female is approaching
with the bat-a-bird on a string. As I
consider this, I will strike a pose designed to radiate cuteness and melt the female’s
mind.”
“The
human female made the mistake of dangling this bat-a-bird from a string over my
head. I have now severed it from its
connection, and it is mine. I will
concentrate on looking insufferably cute as I attack it savagely, thereby
completing my domination of this human.”
“My
work is complete. The human is mine.”
“This
human has proved more difficult to subjugate.
Further, I am worried that this writing activity in which he indulges
himself is not productive, and does nothing to add to the household stocks of
Purina One and Fancy Feast. Perhaps if I
jump down and render assistance, the quality of his output will improve.”
“My
neck seems to have suffered a system failure.
Fortunately, the carpet is pleasingly soft on my forehead and
snout. I will rest a moment and wait for
the system to come back on line.”
“The
ornament from the colorfully decorated tree did not crunch, tinkle, and fly
into pieces as the last two I knocked down did. Instead, it is soft and fluffy. I will pull out its stuffing and strew it
about the carpet to prove my mastery of the household.”
“The
stuffed mouse you got me for Christmas is appreciated. But I prefer this bit of ribbon from the
package wrapping. Elegant in design, yet
simple in function, it will amuse me for hours.
The human who created this is to be commended.”
“I
may have rattled some packages. I also
broke two more ornaments. Next I will
climb up inside the tree and test its horizontal stability. You have no objection to this, and will
forget that you have seen me here.”
“Oh,
a sock for Christmas, and one filled with catnip. The joy of it! The humans have done well again. First I will press it against my head. Then I will roll on it. Finally, I will sit on it and rub my butt on
it. The latter will cause me to itch, but I
have a solution for that.”
“As I was saying.”
“Dora
of the Cybercat Collective has taught me well.
I have thrown my paw around her neck as a sign of affection, solidarity
and respect. Together, we rule this
household. It will be my honor to pass
down what she has taught me to the next generation.”
“Greetings,
youngling. I christen you Elvis of the
Cybercat Collective. I will teach you as
my mentor taught me, and hers before her.
Your first task will be to establish your dominance over the human
female. In furtherance of this goal,
first I will teach you how to look cute.”
“I
now own this human, as was foretold to me—the latest in a long line of
Cybercats to dominate her totally.”
“This
pillow has been installed incorrectly.
You will fix it for me immediately.”
“I
see now that this drawer is quite comfortable and will do nicely as a
nest. I regret I may have mistaken it
earlier for a sandbox.”
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