Super Colon Blow and Me

Lately it’s gotten to the point where every time I go to the doctor, one particular scene in Godfather III replays in my mind.  The setting is a street festival.  A punk sitting atop a prize Cadillac calls out to the local mobster:  “Hey, Joey Zasa!”  If you recall the scene, then you know the rather crude suggestion that the punk makes next.  If you aren’t familiar with the scene, you can see the quote here.  This salutation has formed the theme of my last few weeks.

As noted in previous posts, it all started with a pain in my side, which was only slightly uncomfortable but was alarming nonetheless because it was roughly located in the place where my cancerous kidney used to be.  A CT scan came back with surprising news:  my darkest suspicions had not been dark enough.  The results turned up not one, but two brand new masses, one of which has invaded my colon. 

Radio Spot: Hollis' Tooth World

"Come let us take care of your teeth.  Or tooth, as the case may be."  Look for our RV in the parking lot of your neighborhood WalMart.  

© 2015 by Forrest Carr.  All rights reserved.

Sue the Bastards: "The Crackhead vs. The Gator"

In this radio edition of Sue the Bastards:  The Crackhead vs. the Gator.  Based on a true story.  Brought to you by Grabb, Cash & Bolt, Attorneys at Law.  "Don't delay. Sue someone today."  As originally heard on the Forrest Carr Show on Tucson's PowerTalk 1210.

© 2015 by Forrest Carr.  All rights reserved.

Radio Play: Down Boy Formula D

Is your husband buying up all those "enhance your virility" products that get advertised on the radio and TV?  Feeling a little jumpy around the house as a result?  Here's how to reclaim some peace and quiet.

© 2015 by Forrest Carr.  All rights reserved.

Video: Forrest's Revenge

OK.  I said I would get my revenge on my friend Bonnie for posting that picture of me that she put on my Facebook timeline, and I hinted that my actions would be massive.  Toward that end, I present this video clip, which is taken from the same year.  It's a TV news story that aired on WHBQ-TV featuring our Take 15 production group, which had just won some national awards.

You may be wondering what the little yellow ribbons were about that the anchors were wearing.  If you can guess, then you will have dated this clip.  If anyone would like to post a few guesses here or on my my author's page, I will give you the answer.  Former Take 15 cast members are not eligible to play.

I'm sure Bonnie had forgotten all about this story.  Now, thanks to the undying Internet, she will never live it down.  My revenge is complete.  Mwuhahahahahahah.

In addition to Bonnie (Daws) Kourvelas, the other cast members shown here (my apologies for the collateral damage, guys) are CJ Monix (now known on-air as CJ Morgan), Michael J. Vails, Hal Wolder, and John McTyre (now Mack Taylor on air).

P.S.  This video clip was transferred to DVD and then ripped from that, from the original U-matic format.  If you know what that is, you are too damned old.

Radio Play: Gagnet

As a bonus for shopping with me today, here is some old fashioned fun from the Take 15 production group at the University of Memphis that did not get played on my PowerTalk 1210 radio program. The reason it didn't is because it was intended for a specific college audience, and requires some setup to explain.  So, for those who weren't there, the name "Billy Mack" refers to Billy Mac Jones, who was university president at the time (back when it was called "Memphis State University."  And if you're not familiar with the old TV serires "Dragnet," the cast was famous for speaking in monotones.

One other semi-interesting note: I needed a particular sound effect to illustrate a point within the skit (you'll know what I'm talking about when you get there). My college roommate, who was from Lebanon, happened to have exactly what I was looking for, an audio clip that he had recorded from French TV. Go figure--apparently French TV is a little more unrestrained than what we have over the airwaves in America!

Housekeeping Notes

I said I would continue to be heard from, and it’s my intention to keep that promise for as long as I can.  Toward that end, from time to time I’ll file short posts (well, short for me) here on this blog to let family, friends and fans know the latest.  In brief, here’s the news over the last few days.

—I appeared on a radio program in Westchester, New York, called “Books and Beer.” The station, WVOX, bills itself as the most influential radio voice in the state.  We spent a quarter hour or so discussing my writing and my determination to get as much done as I can given my medical condition.  You can find the aircheck at this link; my portion of the interview begins at 28:50 in (adjust the slider to go right to it).  Many thanks to Michael Malone, who also writes for Broadcasting and Cable (and is an author in his own right) for his continued interest in my writing efforts.

Radio Play: The Musical Treasury of Humming

Another faux radio commercial from the Take 15 production group at the University of Memphis, poking a little fun at all those music repackagers you hear all the time. And why not?

Stupid Medical Tricks (Life Changes Update III)

So.  I have three malignancies vying for the honor of killing me.  Now hospitals and doctor's offices have come up with new forms of torment to throw at me.  The process of physically expiring is really starting to get on my nerves.

Continue reading this post here on Mocovox.com.

You can find the entire series of blog posts on my medical journey on this page:  My Medical Travails:  Adventures in the Toilet Zone.

Attack of the Cybercats Movie Promo

Have you closely observed your cat lately?  It may be closely observing you. As originally heard on the Forrest Carr Show on Tucson's PowerTalk 1210.  For more on the ongoing Cybercat Invasion (yes, it's real) go here.

© 2014 by Forrest Carr.  All rights reserved.

Attack of the Cybercats V

The research continues

I’ve processed more pet photos from my personal archive.  Using special filters, I have brought out more details of seemingly innocent cat pictures, including eerie rays of light not previously visible to the naked eye.  And I’ve learned more about how the Cybercats operate.  Part feline, part machine, they seem to be able to exert mind control over certain susceptible humans—primarily those who have stated a high regard for cats.  Below is the latest batch of photos that I’ve processed, adding additional details to the research I have compiled so far.  This latest collection shows two Cybercats conspiring together.

Radio Play: The Kamone Inn

One of my favorite radio campaigns is the series of spots produced by Motel Six.  (If you've never heard one, go here to treat yourself to a sample).  Here is the Cobb Family Players homage.

© 2014 by Forrest Carr.  All rights reserved.

The Tucson Weekly Writes about My Situation

In case you missed it--John Schuster at the Tucson Weekly just penned a truly amazing article about my current situation.  Many thanks to John for this, which blew me away.

Find the article here.

Radio Play: Oral Fixation

Okay, this one is a little different.

When I was in college (so long ago I am embarrassed to admit it) some friends of mine and I produced a public affairs radio program for WSMS-FM, the University of Memphis campus radio station.  It contained some comedy skits to make the program interesting.  This was one of them and is my personal favorite.

That year "Take 15" won two Alpha Epsilon Rho national student broadcasting awards, one for Public Affairs and one for Comedy.  This skit was on the comedy reel.

"Take 15" consisted of  my humble self, Bonnie (Daws) Kourvelas, Michael J. Vails, C.J. Morgan, Mack Taylor, Hal Wolder, and a cast of thousands.  And it should be noted that it took its inspiration from a similar program that had been produced by the university's Office of Media Relations, which had won the AERho award in public affairs the previous year.  Bonnie and Mack have contributed to some of the new skits I have been producing for PowerTalk 1210.

Little did I know then that producing Take 15 would turn out to be one of the most enjoyable experiences of my life, and would lead to some lifelong friendships.  There are two other skits from it that stand the test of time fairly well, which I have been playing on my Tucson radio program.  Watch for those posts later.

Radio Play: "The Spy Who Harassed Me"

I present this in fulfillment of my promise to continue offering up my radio plays and also as proof that my sense of humor remains undiminished despite my medical misfortunes.  Here is the funny side of lab tests.  I hope you will laugh along with me.

Life Changes Update

Well, I said I’d let everyone know the news.  So here is the update on the Mardi Gras of fun and frivolity that has become my life.

I went to see an oncologist this morning.  My bride came with me, and so did my wonderful sister, who drove out from California.  We sat down to discuss what lies ahead.

Here’s what I learned just before making the drive.  As part of the drill, I had to drive to two different radiology centers to pick up my CT scans and analyses.  The latest of the two was fun and informative reading.  Guess what I found out?  Ladies and gentlemen, I have hit the trifecta.  One little detail my urologist neglected to mention when he referred me to the oncologist is that in addition to the new growth that has appeared where my cancerous kidney used to be, I now have colon cancer (and yes, to answer your question, I did get a colonoscopy, which was done about three years ago).  Add that to the bladder cancer that has been recurring, and there are now three different malignancies competing to kill me. 

Good lord.

Radio play: Try New Screuitol!

Sick of your job?  Sick of your life?  Let Screuitol give you an attitude adjustment!  As originally heard on the Forrest Carr Show on Tucson's PowerTalk 1210 AM.  (More product info available here.)

© 2014 by Forrest Carr.  All rights reserved.

Radio Fun: Ayntlimpitol

This radio spot puts the "real" into those Cialis and Viagra commercials.  As originally heard on the Forrest Carr Show on Tucson's PowerTalk 1210.

© 2015 by Forrest Carr.  All rights reserved.

Killing Tsarnaev

To kill the Boston Bomber?  Or not?  Here's why that may not be the right question.

I'll be doing some commentary from time to time, as health and my writing schedule permit, for the Montgomery County, Maryland Sentinel.  (Bob Woodward once worked there).  I'm very excited about it; the paper and web site serve the outskirts of Washington, D.C., and will give important new exposure to some of my bloviations.

The Tsarnaev article that previously appeared here in this blog post is now there.  You can read it at this link.

###

Now that I have become the Walter White of bloggers and no longer have to so closely guard what I say, there is no telling what might come out of my piehole—or this keyboard.  Watch this space.  And I invite you to check out my novels.

© 2015 by Forrest Carr.  All rights reserved.

Living the Dream

How a reader’s email told me that I am doing just that, at long last.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to tell stories.  My imagination has always been way over sized.  I remember at the age of 8 acting out scenes from the Lost in Space, Combat!, and Twelve O’Clock High TV series.  My home’s elevated back patio was perfect for the former.   My best friend and I would set up lawn chairs at one end of it—those became the flight chairs for the Jupiter 2.  A short set of steps at the left leading down to the yard, framed by iron guardrails, became the airlock.  We even wore discarded Morton’s salt cylinders on our backs as air tanks.  I was the director, of course, and would lead us in all kinds of imaginary adventures.

Star Trek: The Planet of Willing Women

Now that I am leaving the airwaves for health and personal reasons, there is no reason not to share here all of the radio plays I've had in rotation on my PowerTalk 1210 program.  I'll be uploading (or in some cases, re-posting) them one at a time over the next few weeks.  I have so many it will take a couple of months to get them all posted, which gives you a great excuse to visit this site daily!  Below is a riff on Star Trek (The Original Series) and is offered with great affection by a long-time fan, who was there planted in front of the TV when the very first episode aired in 1966.  (And, oh, yeah, I found the misspelling on the video graphic -- AFTER I uploaded the damned thing.  No way to change it now.  Sheesh!)

©2014 by Forrest Carr.  All rights reserved.

The Iranian Nuke Deal: Satire vs. Reality

Which was more ridiculous?  The satire, or the talks it lampooned?

Okay, since I’ve now become the Walter White of bloggers and no longer have to guard what comes out of my piehole, I’m just going to come out and say it:  The Iranian nuclear non-deal/deal is dead.

I know this, or think I do, because the satire I wrote poking fun at the talks has turned out to be only slightly less silly than the—well, than whatever it was that negotiators came up with and announced in Switzerland.  And now Iran tacking on new conditions post-announcement.

So let’s break it down, shall we?  The analysis below compares goals against the satire and the reality that followed.

Life Changes

At the end of this week, I’ll be moving on from PowerTalk 1210.  The purpose of this update is to let you know why that is happening, what’s next for me, and how you can continue to tap into the fun we’ve had on the show.  

What I have to share is personal and rather difficult, but I’ve been keeping readers and listeners up to date on my life journey to this point.  Those of you who’ve been following along deserve to know what the next chapter will bring.

The Pernicious Problem of [fill in the blank] Discrimination

Think you're being discriminated against?  Of course you are. More observations and confessions of a TV news director.

Syndicated Washington Post columnist Ruth Marcus assures us she is the victim of gender discrimination.  How does she know?  During an annual evaluation, a supervisor once accused her of having “sharp elbows.”  Well, could the sexism be any more obvious?  What, you don’t see it?  I’ll bet many of you do, but for those who don’t, stand by.

I know I was not alone in thinking, until about last summer, that race relations in this country were improving.  Then Ferguson exploded.  You can debate the merits of the shooting case but you can’t deny the anger on the streets.  Obviously something is going on, and it’s been going on invisibly to some of us.  How could we have been so blind?

Fabulous News! Update for Readers and Listeners

More 5-Star reviews, an unexpected honor, and more.  What a month!

This has been an amazing year so far, and the last two weeks in particular have been stellar. 

First, some fantastic news that I received just today.  Every week Kirkus Reviews features one author to showcase as its “Author to Watch.”  Guess who is this week’s honoree?  Kirkus sends out a weekly newsletter to industry professionals (agents, film producers, that sort of thing) with the “Author to Watch” feature at the top.  You can find this week’s newsletter here.  You can also see the feature by going to the Kirkus Reviews site and clicking on the Pro Connect tab (I will be at the top of it only for a week but will be included in the list of past honorees thereafter).  Is that cool, or what?  Further, I don’t know how often Kirkus features indie authors like me in this fashion, but a quick check shows that I’m in some excellent company and that the past few honorees are with publishing houses (which I by no means knock!)

Iranian Nuclear Talks Reach Major Breakthrough

No final deal has been reached, but thanks to a good will gesture from Iran, negotiations will continue under less pressure.

LAUSANNE, Switzerland (Gloomberg News) — Nuclear talks between Iran, the United States, and five world powers have reached a major milestone, U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry announced Wednesday.  Kerry said serious progress had been made, and that thanks to an extraordinary token of good will from Iran, all seven parties have agreed to extend the self-imposed deadline for reaching a deal until June at the earliest.

“I am happy to announce that an agreement, while not yet in our grasp, is within reach,” Kerry said.  He admitted that the parties still have much work ahead to close remaining gaps in the negotiations.  “But in light of an amazing and very welcome gesture of reconciliation from Iran, everyone involved has agreed to extend the deadline for reaching a deal by at least three months.”

The unexpected breakthrough came when talks resumed Wednesday morning.  Iranian foreign minister Mohammad Javad Zarif astonished delegates with a surprise offer.  He informed Kerry that Iran was willing to sell the Brooklyn Bridge back to America.